What a fun project, and no better way for me to return from a l'il blogging hiatus. Another gift from Nate at Precious Metal: An interview swap around the BuddhoBlogosphere. Thanks for continuing to be so dang awesome, Nate! Check all the interviews out here. I was fortunate to be paired with Adam from Fly Like a Crow. Here, we recovering-Midwesterners-gone-West-Coast share all over the map about our lives and practice. And hey! Musical accompaniment!
Do you feel that relocation from the Midwest has figured into your transition into Buddhist practice in any way?
I was born in Michigan, and spent the next 20 years of my life there. I always had a burning desire to get the hell out of Michigan, and when the itch could no longer be scratched by dreams alone I packed up and headed out West. Literally, I just packed up a couple of bags and left. First I wound up in Vancouver, B.C. The liberal nature of Vancouver and Canada appealed greatly to me at the time, but I found the city to be really, really dirty. Sure there were nice parts and such, but it just didn’t feel right. So I headed back down to Seattle and eventually found work and my beautiful wife. For me the entire trip and my motivations for leaving were of a profoundly spiritual nature. Spiritual, but not religious per say. Think Into the Wild, but more like Into the Rain.
When I moved out West, I knew that a new spiritual path would find me, I just didn’t know what. Well, along came this knock-out gorgeous girl (I still don’t know why she puts up with me…) that had these crazy pagan tattoos on her arms and read tarot cards and BAM! I was in love.
I had only been vaguely familiar with many of the earthy European “pagan” religious beliefs before I met Alex, and she opened me up to a whole ‘nother world in respect to those beliefs. But something about it still didn’t feel… complete. I still hold some of those beliefs and values today, but focus on the particulars less. It was when we were living in Bellingham and she stared to talk about her time practicing as a Nichiren Buddhist as a youth that put a bug in my ear. I started looking at Buddhism, and I read about the Four Noble Truths, and that was it. I knew, knew that Buddhism was for me. If I hadn’t moved out West, I have no idea what spiritual path I’d be on now.
Do you come from Midwestern farm stock, and / or suffer from the Protestant Work Ethic as well?
Oh god yes. My Father has worked for GM his whole life, his father owned his own HVAC company. My other Grandfather was a factory worker his whole life. The industrial reality of life was instilled in me at an early age. There was always “work” to be done, even at 4 and 5 years old. And while I didn’t live on a farm, I worked on a sugar beet farm for a couple of summers. I’d walk up and down the rows of beets hacking away at weeds from sunup to 4pm earning $2 an hour. All so I could save up enough cash to replace the retainer that I lost. Thanks Dad.
Tell me about your spiritual background - were you raised in any spiritual tradition?
During my time in Michigan, I was raised in a relaxed Lutheran church. No fire, no brimstone. It was more about choir, meaningful sermons and monthly potlucks than saving souls and damning non-believers. But the belief system never really clicked with me. I think it was when I first learned about dinosaurs that something in my head went “hmm… wait a minute…” I tried and tried, but Christianity never really fit me. I suppose I’ve never really felt a need for God.
Any childhood moments of realization?
Funny you should ask. Lately during meditation, memories have begun to surface that I had never really paid much attention to before. I’ve been remembering that at an early age, for a time I was obsessed with mind, and what it was. There were a couple of moments I recall where time seemed infinite and minute all at once, where there was no chatter in my head and I seemed to “float” in my own consciousness or something. It’s hard to describe considering it happened over 15 years ago. But I remember it bringing up questions like: Why was I able to observe the ego-voice in my head? Were there two Adams? But if I could also notice that I was able to notice that “ego-voice”, how many levels could this continue on for? Would there always be “someone” watching that voice in my head that was watching the watcher that was watching the watcher etc…..
Eventually I think I just stopped contemplating about all that. I figured if I thought about such things long enough, eventually I’d end up in a room with padded walls somewhere.
You started with Nichiren. What is your primary practice these days? Chanting? Meditation? Are you still unaffiliated? You’re purt near One Drop Zendo and Shodo Harada Roshi (my Teachers’ Teacher)! Have you been? And are you considering dipping a toe into retreat practice? (I understand this may be something for later in life, esp now with baby #2 coming along - congratulations!)
(I felt like I could answer all of these questions at once, since they’re all closely related) I’ve posted before about how I’ve recently left SGI (and my time spent there) so I won’t bore you with that again. My practice that I’m crafting now doesn’t really fall into any tradition. This isn’t on purpose, me trying to “go rouge” or anything. I simply don’t have reasonable access to a “real-life” dharma center or sangha (getting to the One Drop Zendo would be at least a 2 hour commute one way that would involve a ferry ride). There are some other cool places about 1-2 hours away, but I don’t have the means or time to make that happen. I work 40+ hours per week. When I get home, it’s time for my son’s dinner, then bath, then story time, then bed. That gives my wife and I-2 (maybe 3) hours of “alone” time to do dishes, sweep the floor, fold laundry, and maybe try to squeeze in a movie on Netfilx in. If I were to drive the 1-2 hours it takes to get to one of the Buddhist centers, participate, and then drive back, I wouldn’t see my wife or son pretty much all day except for the 30 minutes I spent with them in the morning. Not only do I not want to live that way, it would put a huge and unnecessary burden on my wife. So for now, what I do is nightly I do some stretches. I am extremely inflexible and can’t even think about doing full-lotus, so that’s where I start. I’m also not as active as I once was, so I take this time to do some push-ups and sit-ups, get the heart rate up and a little sweat going. Then I sit in front of my alter/butsudon, and recite the Gatha of Atonement and the 5 remembrances 3 times each. Then, I meditate for 20 minutes. I study daily as well. Right now I’m working with The Wings to Awakening. I have about 20 books on my shelf in queue that I really want to dig into, including some on Zen.
As far as a tradition goes, I haven’t really settled upon one. There are parts of Therevada that call out to me, but lately Zen has been tugging on my shirt sleeve as well. Particularly your tradition, Rinzai (I’m also a bit intrigued by Ch’an). There is something about the use of koans that really speaks to me. Jaye from Digital Zendo shot me with one a couple of weeks ago. In Zen there are the 10 Ox Herding pictures. For me the idea of using a koan is like grabbing the bull by the horns and wrestling him to the ground. It’s like combat for your mind. At least that was my first experience with it. I’m probably wrong.
Call me a fundy, but the older Pali cannon speaks to me more so than the Mahayana. I’m just not a fan of some of the imagery used, as well as some of the language or the idea that some of the Buddha’s teachings were somehow provisional that you find in Mahayana. That’s not to say that I don’t love the Heart Sutra or some of the other Mahayana texts though.
On the other hand, the Pali cannon is a labyrinth to navigate, especially for someone with no access to a real-life teacher such as myself. Also I feel that I’d never be able to dedicate enough time to any kind of real jhana practice. I have other issues and things I like about each tradition. I haven’t decided which particular path to pursue. For now I stretch, sit with the breath, and study.
Retreats? Maybe eventually. Maybe a day-long or a two day weekend retreat. I just couldn’t imagine using my 1-2 weeks of vacation/year to ditch my kids to go sit in a room somewhere. I’d rather head to the redwoods and go camping with them.
Buddhism and Parenting: Discuss!
Oh boy! Certainly we want to raise our son (and soon to arrive daughter) to be spiritual people, whatever form that takes. I have no idea what’s going to happen when they get older when it comes to religion. I’m sure we’ll teach them about all our influences, (be they Pagan, New Age, Buddhist or whatever we choose to pick off the shelf) but in what structure, I don’t yet know. Right now my son Corbin really likes grabbing my tiny Hotei statue off the shelf and running around with it (he calls him “happy face Booo-dah”). That works for now I suppose.
Can you say more about your lovely spouse and how your practices co-exist, the support for each others' practice, etc.
We’ve been working on that lately, trying to figure it all out.
Pick yer poison: Which of the five hindrances come up most for you?
Two of the biggest obstacles I face (and two of the reasons I felt Buddhism was the right path for me) are two of the 5 hindrances. The first being sloth/torpor/boredom. I’m lazy. Not like Momma from What’s Eating Gilbert Grape lazy, but lazy nonetheless. I have issues being motivated to do the simplest of things, even when I know how beneficial they are. I’d like to blame TV or my Father for going to far in instilling the Protestant work ethic in me to a point that I rebelled against it, but I can’t. The fault lies with me and me alone. I’m working on it. My wife would probably argue much too slowly, but I’m working on it. It’s complicated.
The other hindrance that bites me in the ass is restlessness, or the inability to calm the mind. I have ADHD, and this can be a HUGE issue for me. It causes me to forget, to procrastinate when I shouldn’t, to miss deadlines. At times it can be an uncontrollable monster, and at other times more like a caged monkey. But a caged monkey is still a monkey. To say my mind wanders is like saying the Titanic had a small leak. And while some may scoff at the idea of Buddhism offering “self-help”, I think it does provide some of that. Certainly there are elements of self-improvement to be found when walking this path. Science has revealed that meditation does have real, tangible benefits for people that have ADHD, but I only view this as part of the ‘benefit’ of practice. I also take responsibility for my actions and thoughts in spite of my ADHD, I don’t blame anything I do or don’t do on it. To me that would be the easy way out. My actions are the ground upon which I stand.
Favorite Buddhist books / authors?
Contemporary teachers that I’ve found valuable and to my liking include Thanissaro Bikkhu and John Daido Loori. Two very different teachers no doubt, but there is something familiar about T.B.’s approach that really hits home for me. Maybe it is my love for philosophy. And Loori’s writing is authoritatively beautiful, if that makes any sense whatsoever. I have only read bits of his work, and have a few of his books on my shelf that are next in my queue that I’m looking forward to diving into. I have much to learn and even more to experience.
Current favorite Buddhist quote.
I’ve posted on my experience with homelessness before, so it may not come as a surprise that Homeless Kodo (Kodo Sawaki) holds a special place in my heart as well. I’ve only recently discovered him and his writings. One of my favorite quotes of his: "Everyone is homeless – it is a mistake if you think you have a fixed home."
Favorite song that intentionally or unintentionally expresses Dharma
“Instrumental” by Box Car Racer. Mostly it’s the notes and words that you don’t hear that make that song powerful. At least to me. I suppose a case could be made for Jazz being the most “Buddhist” form of music for the same reasons.
Is there a song that might be your “theme song”?
As with much of life, it would depend on my mood. If I could express my most common moods according to song in no particular order they would be:
“AEnima” by Tool
“Late in the evening” by Paul Simon
“Midnight Rider” by the Allman Brothers
“Alive” by Pearl Jam
“This Cocaine makes me feel like I’m on this song” by System of a Down
“Wish you were here” Pink Floyd
“Sagaba” Blue Scholars
“I believe in a thing called love” by The Darkness – (it was the song my wife and I walked down the aisle to)
“Dio” by Tenacious D
I’ll let you figure out which moods they go with.
May we all be deeply happy. “On your five foot lump of red flesh is a true person of no rank who is always going in and out of the face of every one of you. Those who have not yet confirmed this, LOOK! LOOK!”
A monk came forward and asked, “Who is the true person of no rank?
The Master got down from his seat, seized the monk, and cried, “SPEAK! SPEAK!”
The monk faltered. Shoving him away, the Master said, “This true person of no rank -- what kind of shit-stick is he.”
Then Master Rinzai returned to his quarters.
After holding this koan very lightly for a few years, not even knowing anything about it beyond the first sentence, it was time to practice more deeply with it, give a talk about it to the community, and then be questioned about my understanding in the exit ceremony marking the completion of a one year term of service as the Shuso, or Head of Zendo (the Shuso-Hossen ceremony).
A few months before the ceremony, as we were talking about the end of the Shuso term and this inevitable ceremony, my teacher, the Venerable Hogen Bays, asked me if there were any koans that resonated with me that I might talk about. And I answered honestly: The True Person of No Rank. And so it became the koan I would sit with and then talk about.
I replayed that exchange quite a few times thereafter, wondering if I should have even admitted that this koan was alive for me. Because once I started really looking at it, I quickly discovered that it is so much bigger than me. And that is exactly the point, isn't it?
Master Rinzai, though? I mean, what a badass! What the hell was I thinking when I picked this koan? It required energy. Mainly just getting out of the way. And shouting.
Shuso-Hossen is one of the Zenniest ceremonies we do, complete with a stick (shippei). My friend Stacey said I reminded her of the Monkey in the Lion King.
Questioner: "Thank you for your answer."
Shuso: "May your life go well." *bang of stick*
Tangent: Have you ever noticed those little orbs of light in digital photos? There's been a whole Sangha discussion about this phenomenon on Facebook. The orbs were representin' at this ceremony.
Anyway, after the questions are finished, the outgoing Shuso says this:
“I was asked by my teachers to fulfill this role. Even though my understanding is inadequate and my experience is limited I have done my best. I ask that you for give me for my mistakes and unskillful actions. I hope that some of my efforts have been helpful in freeing people from suffering and supporting this great adventure. I thank the sangha for your support and teachings during this term.”
Then the incoming Head of Zendo leads the outgoing in Juhai. A moving and humbling experience in which we thread our way through the entire Zendo, bowing in gratitude and respect, and being bowed to by the whole Sangha.
