Life Vows Sesshin II

At Life Vows Sesshin last year, I was finally able to articulate some vows after two years of nothing, or maybe just a little trickle of a poem coming out. In fact, last year, for whatever reason, they just poured out nearly fully-formed and required very little fussing. My organize-y self loves the fact that there is a bit of a preamble, and then vows arranged under the Three Treasures, with subcategories that speak to how the vows may actually manifest in the world:

JOMON’S VOWS

To be a grateful and generous servant.

To be motivated by wisdom and compassion.

To be fearless and wholehearted in all that I do.

To appreciate this life with constant awareness, openness and wonder.

BUDDHA

TO HAVE FAITH IN THE WISDOM OF THIS BUDDHA BODY TO CUT THROUGH THE CONFUSION OF THOUGHTS AND WORDS

• To appreciate and take loving care of this body, nourishing it with optimal water, food, rest exercise, and nature.
• To discern the Truth about what is alive in this body, taking a moment to pause before taking on agreements and activity. Giving only what is truly mine to give; maintaining balance, concentration, and potency by saying no.

DHARMA

TO ALWAYS RETURN TO PRACTICE. TO ALWAYS SEEK THE TRUTH.

TO FULLY REALIZE THERE IS NOTHING TO ATTAIN.

• To prioritize and intensify my practice, deepening in both wisdom and compassion.
• To weave Dharma in all that I do, shifting the focus of my work to share with others any insights I may have in order to relieve suffering.

SANGHA

TO OFFER LIGHT ONTO THE PATH. TO BE A WELCOMING REFUGE.

TO TEND THE HEARTH FOR THOSE WHO SEEK SANGHA.

• To cultivate a healthy marriage in which Bansho and I can continue to walk the Path of Awakening together, with love, enjoyment, and respect.
• To found Heart of Wisdom Zen Temple, rooting Dharma as deeply as the Earth itself.

I typed them out and shrank them down onto cards, along with the 16 Bodhisattva Precepts, and laminated them. I have been carrying a card in my wallet, and a card in my Rakusu holder all year. It would be ideal for me to practice reviewing them each day, but that did not happen in 2009. There were times this year that I would look at them and think, "Who the heck made these crazy vows?" It was the clear bright mind, I guess, because now, after a week of Sesshin, looking at them again, not much is changing. Some additions. I will share about those later.

I am feeling a little nervous about just putting them out there.

What are some of your vows?

Grasses, Trees, and the Great Earth

Just returned from the Grasses, Trees, and the Great Earth Sesshin, and am about to head back outside to sit in my backyard under the pear trees to help ease reentry. Before I do, I would like to share an observation from nature. I wish I had my own photos to share.

Anyway, at the monastery, there is a small flower box with cosmos, zinnias and such on the little porch outside the dorm where I stayed all week. It took until about Day 4 for me to truly see a fist-sized zinnia of so many petal layers, and such amazing and hilarious neon bright pinkness, on a break I walked over to just visit it for a moment.


Zinnia Bumble Bee originally uploaded by zizzybaloobah

In doing so, I watched the various bees, particularly the bumblebees, who are currently fat like little yellow and black zeppelins who can scarcely fly themselves around.

I observed one light onto a smaller zinnia, going around counterclockwise, methodically and thoroughly dipping its proboscis into each and every yellow stigma before heavily hovering off to the next flower. Everyone seemed to be having a very good time.

Later in the evening I wandered into the greenhouse where there are also flowers planted for use on the altars. The bumblebees like to fall asleep on flowers. I have seen this before on cosmos in my own cutting garden.

The one I saw was just resting on a pink daisy-like flower. It was almost sleeping. Its little bee legs were sprawled out and its little bee face was completely planted in the midst of the powdery yellow cushion, and it wasn't busy doing anything. It was just lying there, appearing to be drunk on pollen, or just blissed out from a busy bee day. I lightly brushed up next to a nearby plant, a leaf from which just grazed this little bee's leg, and without removing its face from the pollen platter, it lifted up one of its arms towards the source of the mild disturbance, as if to beg for a snooze alarm.

These creatures, these flowers and bugs and animals... they are just simply themselves, wholeheartedly. These precious little jewels everywhere. Can a human life ever be this forthright?

Bowing To and With Dogen

I thought Buddhism was just another patriarchal religion; another situation in which yet another dude was set apart from everybody else and venerated. I figured I would have to translate things for myself, changing all the pronouns again, and I was not interested in another religion in which women were not visible or reflected in any way without a lot of research or imagination.

I jumped into Buddhist practice with both feet once I learned about the existence of Kwan Yin. She helped bridge what seemed to me to be a patriarchal gap -- okay, chasm-- between me and Buddhism.

Kwan Yin

But from time to time, some patriarchal remnants would come up. Like the stories of the Buddha initially being unwilling to allow women into the Sangha: The Buddha allegedly even denied his own mother (actually his wet nurse / stepmother who raised him) until his personal attendant Ananda interceded for her and hundreds of other women who wanted the teachings too.

Buddha with Ananda, Longmen Caves, China

In some Buddhist traditions, they try to live the way the Buddha lived, and follow all the rules the Buddha taught, called the Vinaya. And within those rules, I would hear about the special rules for women; an additional hundred or so on top of the two hundred or so for the men. But I never noticed any special rules being applied to women in our Sangha at all, in fact, our Sangha is led by a woman. And anyway, I was too busy trying to figure out stuff like posture, breathing, what to do with the songs coursing through my head and what not.

Chozen

So I have gradually learned more about Buddhist history and these rules. For instance, right before the Buddha died, he told dear Ananda to tell the rest of the Sangha to just drop all the less important rules. Well once he was dead, the remaining followers couldn't agree which rules were less important, so they just kept all of them.

I also learned that nothing the Buddha actually said was written down until a few hundred years later. Think about it -- a 300-year-long game of 'telephone' steeped in +2000-year-old Indian cultural mores. So I kinda filed a lot of those rules in the "not applicable" folder. My art teacher used to call it the "round file."

Especially this one:

"A bhikkhuni (nun) who has been fully ordained even for more than a century must bow down, rise up from her seat, salute with hands palm-to-palm over her heart, and perform the duties of respect to a bhikkhu (monk) even if he has been fully ordained only a day. This rule is to be honored, respected, revered, venerated, never to be transgressed as long as she lives."

Dang!

During a recent retreat led by Ajahn Amaro, a Theravadin monk of the Thai Forest tradition, who has been strictly following the Vinaya for 30 years, one of the female priests from our Zen tradition asked him directly about these rules for women; basically whether, how, or when they might change. His answer was validating to some degree. He iterated the above rule, and said he was not comfortable with it, and that it is an extremely active topic within Theravadin Buddhism today. And then he shrugged and said he was "just one monk" and wished he had a better answer. Or something like that.

I was disappointed. Actually I felt like crying. I know it's complicated and all. I think the question was asked on about Day 2 of the 6-day retreat, so factor in that turbulence, but still. After the period was over and we had some free time for tea, I found myself going into the Jizo garden and sitting next to the statue of Kwan Yin in there, and I just let whatever it was come up.

I observed a feeling of grief for all the Dharma sisters to whom these rules are actually applied. I also noticed a sense of righteous anger. Careful there! I am a cheap date when it comes to righteous anger, and can get fall-down drunk on that stuff pretty quickly. Truthfully, I do not know all the complexities of Buddhist history, the various cultural expressions, and how the women of each tradition deal with their own brand of partriarchy, to which no culture is immune.

But Dang!

So some weeks later, along comes my Dharma sister, Senryu, who ran across this section of the Shobogenzo, in which Master Dogen, one of the Great Teachers of our Zen lineage, wrote about these rules as they were being applied to nuns in Japan being excluded from the main training halls of the monastery -- and he mocks these practices. He absolutely derides them:

And also, in Japan there is a situation which is truly ridiculous and worthy of laughter. It relates to what is called ‘The Grounds of the Enclosed Realm’ by some and ‘The Training Ground of the Greater Course’ by others, places that female monks and lay women are not permitted to enter. This mistaken custom has been handed down for ever so long, and people have never questioned what it is all about. Those who have studied the ancient ways have never attempted to change this practice nor have scholars ever taken up the matter. Some refer to this practice as ‘what an incarnation of a Buddha or a Bodhisattva does’; others speak of it as ‘the tradition of our ancient predecessors’. Moreover, they have never called the matter into question. It is enough to make a person split a gut laughing.

Master Dogen

This section is called Raihai Tokuzui, or "Respectful Bowing will Secure for You the Very Marrow of the Way." Did I mention it was written in the year 1240? Here is part of the translator's introduction:

The text is in two parts. The first, delivered to his monks in the spring of 1240, deals with being willing to learn from any who give voice to the Dharma, be they male or female, human or animal, living or dead, animate or inanimate. The second, given in the fall of the same year, specifically addresses various questions on learning from women. For unexplained reasons, the second part was not Incorporated in the earlier versions of the Shōbōgenzō, but was kept under lock and key in Dōgen’s temple, Eihei-ji.

Lock and key? Unexplained reasons? Srsly?

Things at Eihei-ji have changed just a little little in 800 years, despite Dogen's clarity. Get your hands on this book immediately: Women of the Way, by Sallie Tisdale. In the introduction, she recounts her experience of how women are still treated differently there.

In Women of the Way, Sallie Tisdale paints beautiful detailed portraits of Buddhist women, their own practice and mastery within the context of history and culture as best can be deduced. She has put together a women's lineage from the time of the Buddha that is chanted at the monastery on a regular basis. When I hear it and chant it, it washes over me like refreshing cool water being poured by Kwan Yin herself.

Anyway, about respectful bowing: Dogen takes specific aim at that one rule about accomplished nuns having to defer to monks ordained on their first day.

When a female monk who has realized both the Way and the Dharma becomes head of a temple, male monks who, in seeking the Dharma, wish to train under a Master will join her community, respectfully bowing as they ask her about the Dharma, for she is a splendid model for their training and study. It will be for the trainee like receiving something to drink when he is thirsty...

Someone who has not yet even dreamt of the Truth of Buddhism, even if he be an old monk of a hundred years, will not be the equal of a man or woman who has realized what Dharma is; he should not be reverenced, but simply paid common respect, as between guest and host. Even a seven-year-old—were he or she to train in and practice Buddhism, and then say something that is Buddha Dharma—can be a teacher and guide for monks and laity, male and female. This child will be a compassionate parent to all sentient beings... We should make offerings and pay respect to such a one the same as we would to all Buddhas and Tathagatas. This is an ancient custom of the Buddha’s Way. Those who may still be in ignorance and who lack the direct Transmission are to be pitied...

Once such a woman has realized what Dharma is, then she is truly an Old Buddha, so we should not look upon her as we did in the past. When we are having an audience with her, our contact will be from a new and special standpoint. When we meet her, we should face her with an attitude of ‘today is today’, regardless of how things were in the past. For example, a female monk to whom the Treasure House of the Eye of the True Teaching has been Transmitted should respectfully be bowed to and asked for the Teaching by those in the four stages of arhathood, those who are pratyekabuddhas, and those thrice wise and ten times saintly, and she will acknowledge this bow. Why should only males be worthy of respect? Boundless space is simply boundless space; the four elements are simply the four elements; the five skandhas are simply the five skandhas. And they are no different for women. When it comes to realizing the Way, everyone may realize It. In any case, anyone who has realized what Dharma is should be deeply respected: do not concern yourself with whether it is a man or a woman. This is a most excellent rule of the Buddha’s Way.

Dogen recounts stories of great female Masters Massan and Myoshin. Both of these women's stories are included in Women of the Way. He refers to Myoshin when he says this:

...Truly, her level of spiritual understanding is not surpassed even by those thrice wise and ten times saintly; her speech and actions are in direct descent from the Buddhas and Ancestors. For this reason, even today, when there is a vacant post for an Abbot or one who teaches in the Abbot’s stead, we should invite a female monk who has realized what Dharma is to take the position. Even though a male monk be one of greater age and longer residence, if he has not realized what Dharma is, why would you want him instead? The one who is the head monk for a community must undoubtedly be someone spiritually clear-eyed. A person who is as dissipated in body and mind as he is limited in outlook, however, will be so hard-headed that he will often be the laughing stock of ordinary people...

His tone is so clear, and his language so unmistakable. I can hardly believe this was so clearly articulated back in 1240. Speaking of contemporary value, there is even a section in this where he talks about not objectifying women:

And also, even today there are people, wretched from their folly, whose unconverted thinking has not gone beyond looking upon women simply as objects in the world of sensual desire. Disciples of Buddha should not be this way. Should you detest women because you think that they must be objects in the world of sensual desire, would you also detest all men? What causes staining and defilement to arise is treating men as comprising one world and women as another. In addition, looking upon someone as being neither male nor female is also to treat that person as ‘an object apart’; even looking at that person as though a phantasm or an illusory flower is likewise treating him or her as ‘an object apart’...

It says in the Vinaya: “The two orifices of a male and the three orifices of a female are alike when it comes to committing a grievous breakage of the Precepts; those doing so may not dwell within the monastic community.” Thus, if you dislike women because you think that they must be objects in the world of sensual desire, then males and females will end up mutually disliking each other, and it is unlikely that there will be any opportunity for either to find a way to the Other Shore. You should explore this principle in detail.

He even goes after the karma argument. You know, the one that says women are born women because of our bad karma?

And also, should you despise women because you think that in ancient times they have committed some offense, then you must despise all bodhisattvas as well. Or, should you despise women because you think that at some later date they will surely commit some offense, then you must despise all bodhisattvas who have given rise to the intention to realize Buddhahood. If you despise women in any such ways, you must despise every single person, so how will you make manifest the Buddha’s Dharma? Words like the ones uttered by such monks are, sad to say, the wild remarks of foolish people who do not understand what the Buddha taught. If the matter were like this vow, did the Venerable Shakyamuni and the bodhisattvas who were alive during His lifetime all commit offenses? Have Their enlightened minds been shallower than yours? You would do well to quietly think about this.

I just can't get over this! We chant Dogen's name at every service, and I had no idea he had my back like this!

In starting down this Path, I had some trepidation about getting into what I perceived as a patriarchal religion, and even though our Sangha is led by a woman, those of us who practice downtown interact primarily with her husband as our primary teacher. Initially, I was apprehensive around acquiring a male teacher.

Hogen

The teachers of our Sangha, like many of the first-generation American Buddhist practitioners have lived through the period in the 1980's in which it was discovered that lots of ethical breaches were being carried out by the teachers who first brought Buddhism to America. Our teachers are therefore committed to rooting practice in ethics. And they encourage us to just observe the community, just come practice, just come sit for a while before making any commitments to joining. I appreciated this so much. A gradual relationship has therefore been allowed to develop very organically between my teachers and me. They just keep being exactly who they say they are in many different situations.

And so I add Hogen, who has never been anything but compassionate to me, to my list of gentle, kind men I have had the pleasure of being close to in this life.

Bansho

Which leads me to what I think is Dogen's actual conclusion; that it does not matter what form your teacher takes. If your teacher understands the Dharma, you should show respect. You can learn from them.

...we should pray that the trees and stones give voice to the Dharma for us: we should hold in our hearts the wish that the fields and the villages also give voice to It. We should ask It of the pillar of a temple: we should have the walls and fences explore It thoroughly with us.

Whether that guiding Master has the physical features of a male or a female, or whatever, is irrelevant, but it must be someone who is spiritually outstanding, one who is truly ‘with It’* here and now. Whether he or she is someone of the past or a present-day person is of no matter; even one who has the nagging manner of a wild fox may prove a good spiritual friend, for this is the countenance of one who has secured the very Marrow, one who will be a spiritual guide and of benefit to you. This is someone who does not deceive others about cause and effect, and who will treat you, me, and others as spiritual equals.

Once you have encountered a teacher and guide, from then on you should discard your myriad involvements, cease frittering away your time, and devote yourself to diligently practicing the Way. You should do your training and practice, even though you may still be attached to discriminatory thinking; you should do your training and practice, even if you have gone beyond discriminatory thinking; you should do your training and practice, even though you may be half-hearted in the attempt. Study with urgency, as though you were extinguishing a fire on your head: study with joy and hopefulness, as though you were standing on tiptoes. Should you behave in this way, you will not be disturbed by bad-mouthing demons.

* translator's note: To be “‘with It’ here and now” is an attempt to render the term immo when used in its Chinese slang meaning for the condition of persons or things being just what they truly are, without any sense of an existence separate from time and without any sense of a false self.

The Five Remembrances

I am of the nature to grow old;
there is no way to escape growing old.

I am of the nature to have ill health;
there is no way to escape having ill health.

I am of the nature to die;
there is no way to escape death.

All that is dear to me and everyone I love
are of the nature of change;
there is no way to escape
being separated from them.

My deeds are my closest companions;
I am the beneficiary of my deeds.
my deeds are the ground
on which I stand.

Upholding the Sangha Treasure

I'm pretty excited these days about a new project at the Zen Center I have decided to call:

Upholding the Sangha Treasure.

As Buddhists, we vow to take refuge in the three treasures, or the three jewels. Here is my humble understanding of this vow. The three jewels are:

• Buddha -- Finding a teacher -- someone who is connected through the lineage to the historic Buddha himself. Also the Buddha within -- my direct experience of life.
  
• Dharma -- the teachings of the Buddha
  
• Sangha -- the people with whom we practice -- others on the Path. The Sangha is the equivalent to a congregation.

We vow to lean into them and apply and express them wholeheartedly. Part of taking the precepts in our tradition includes writing about our understanding of them. Here is a little bit of my writing from almost a year ago about the three treasures:

Taking Refuge in the Buddha

...when I take refuge in the Buddha, it is the Buddha within me – my senses, by ability to perceive and experience the physicality of this moment. My fingertips on the computer keys, my belly digesting lunch, the air going in and out of my nose, the skin all over my body, feeling the air and clothes and temperature. All this touching of the earth, and interfacing and being stirred into the whole universe. When I awaken to this, it certainly feels like taking refuge. It certainly feels like resting, and simplifying, even as I open to countless millions of things happening, it is still calmer and less busy than all that thinking.

Taking Refuge in the Dharma

Taking refuge in the teachings. Listening to them, applying them, experimenting, trying them on for myself. Asking, “Is that so?” I was not much of a reader of the Dharma prior to coming to practice, which, from what I understand can be a good thing. I notice that when I am listening to Dharma talks in my car, or after a Dharma talk, weekend retreat, etc, I am usually able to immediately practice what the teachings suggest. Whether I do so gracefully is another thing, but the Teachings I find to be completely practical, and applicable to everything real in my life, and again, I find a calmness, a comfort when I do take refuge in them.

Taking Refuge in the Sangha

BTW: This awesome photo was taken at Great Vow Zen Monastery just after a week-long retreat focusing on the koan of "Mu" during which the whole group often yelled it sang it growled it ate it breathed it throughout the sitting periods!

I am usually very comfortable on the giving and sharing end of things, but taking refuge suggests allowing the Sangha to help me, too. And the ways that this has happened most for me has been in meditation instruction, the classes, the very container of practice when sitting – others’ practice strengthens my own. New people coming to practice, and being asked to welcome them, or teach meditation instruction has given my own practice great energy and focus. Making mistakes as the chant leader in front of the Sangha has helped me to observe my own Inner Critic and see myself with the kind of compassion I receive from the Sangha. I am amazed that the Buddha was able to do all of this on his own, and it makes me so very glad that I don’t have to.

~ ~ ~

And this is as lovely and concise (two & a half pages) a dharma talk about Sangha, by none other than Chozen Bays. She references the fact that the Sangha Treasure often gets short shrift. This tendency is sometimes referred to as two jewels and a rock.

So why this focus on Sangha?

Our Zen group is currently limited by the amount of days available for rent at
the Portland Dharma Center 2514 SE Madison Currently we sit here

Thursday and Sunday nights at 7:30.
Monday mornings from 6-7 am, and
Tuesday nights start July 1 at 7:30.

So we are working towards acquiring a Portland building of our own, which means fundraising and organization as well as commitment to stepping up and being the ones who are there to make more teachings available. We are not ready to purchase anything at the moment, BUT we are getting ready.

One way to get ready is to see if we can't grow a little more before making such a big move. We are planning more programs, weekend workshops, etc. for the coming year. We are also looking at what a transition from a smallish membership to a larger membership would entail. Apparently this can sometimes be a difficult transition to make, and there can be losses along the way. So in a big change like this, it is important to focus on membership, and to be more conscious and awake about what we are doing. Thankfully, this wheel has already been invented.

I volunteered to digest and then gather some folks to learn about a spiritual / congregational roadmap of sorts from the Alban Institute. The Alban Institute is a Christian organization that has done a lot of research into these kinds of topics, and it publishes materials for congregations who are going through growth, transitions, etc. The Zen Community of Oregon had gone through a similar process with these materials many years ago, and found it to be enormously helpful.

My plan is to focus on this workbook, and work through it with some older and some newer practitioners. Together we will figure out how it translates into Zen. My friend Robin will be helping -- she has a near allergic sensitivity to proselytizing, having graduated from an evangelical Christian college, and will be my sniff tester for Zen-zealotry, or Zevangelicalism.


I have a lot of energy for this. I am very excited about it. It feels foundational. It feels important, it feels like a good fit for my skills, a contribution I can make, but most importantly, it feels like practice. Practice that's not sitting alone with myself and my roller derby mind, practice that's not reading about Zen, but practice with the Sangha treasure -- that can be grittier and scarier, but no less important.