Sunday, November 27, 2011

To be sparing of your energy

My husband is recently geeking out on Iaido, the Japanese martial art of drawing the sword.  So we have a bunch of library books on this all over the house.  Thankfully he's not practicing with kitchen knives or garden tools.  But he did find a wonderful piece in a book:  Training the Samurai Mind: A Bushido Sourcebook, edited and translated by Thomas Cleary.  In it, there is a piece by Hakuin.  He talks about maintaining one's energy.  I believe these are Taoist healing principles.  Despite sounding like a spa commercial at some points, this is a very interesting take on conserving energy, and where to place awareness.

From "Instructions to a Samurai" by Hakuin Ekaku
If you think dead sitting in silent awareness is enough, you'll waste your life and deviate greatly from the way of enlightenment.  Not only will you deviate from the way of enlightenment, you'll neglect worldly truth too.  Why?  If the lords and grandees gave up government to sit deathlike in silent awareness, if the warriors ignored archery and horsemanship and forgot martial arts to sit deathlike in silent awareness, if the merchants closed up shop and broke their abacuses to sit deathlike in silent awareness, if carpenters discarded their plumb lines and tossed away their planes to sit deathlike in silent awareness, the nation would wither, the people would weary, robbers would rise up repeatedly, an the state would be in peril.  Then the people would indignantly say that Zen is extremely inauspicious.   
There are two kinds of selflessness.  Suppose there is someone who is always timid and weak in body and mind, afraid of everyone, mortifying his feelings so that in dealing with myriad situations he does not become angry when hollered at, doesn't mind if he's beaten, is always absentminded, and doesn't learn from experience, but he thinks he has attained selflessness and considers that sufficient.  This is being a broken rice bag, a fat-bellied pig in the mud, as if entirely ignorant and void of intelligence.  It is not true selflessness.
~~~
If you always have your mental energy filling your navel sphere, ocean of energy, elixir field, and the space between your waist and legs, and you do not let it recede for a moment even when you are busy working or meeting guests, then basic energy will fill the elixir field, and the lower abdomen will be slightly rounded like an unribbed ball.   
If people can cultivate this state, they can sit all day without tiring, recite all day without wearying, write all day without fatigue, speak all day without getting worn out.  Even if they do myriad good deeds day in and day out, they never show any sign of flagging.  The mind becomes broader, the heart becomes bigger, energy is always vigorous.  Even in the hottest summer one does not sweat, even without using a fan; even on the coldest winter night one does not need to wear socks or use a warmer.  Even if one lives to be one hundred years old, one's teeth will become even firmer.  If one does not slack off, one attains long life.
~~~
There are three places in the body that are elixir fields.  What I refer to as the elixir field is the lower elixir field.  The ocean of energy and the elixir field are both below the navel, as if they were one reality with two names.  The elixir field is two inches below the navel, the energy ocean an inch and a half.  When pure energy always fills here, body and mind are always equanimous.  Even if you live to be a hundred years old, your hair won't thin and your teeth won't loosen.  Your vision will get clearer and your skin will gradually become lustrous.
~~~
Spirit is like the ruler, vitality is like the ministers, and energy is like the people.  Now then, caring for the people is the means of keeping the country intact.  To be sparing of your energy is the means of keeping your body intact.  When the people flee, The country perishes; when energy runs out, the body dies.  For this reason, a sage ruler always focuses his mind below, while a mediocre ruler always indulges his heart on high.  When the heart is indulged on high, the nobles rely on personal favor, the officials are arrogant with power; they never pay attention to hardship among the people, while importunate ministers greedily skim and cruel officers deprive by deception.  There may be plenty of vegetables in the fields, yet people are collapsing from starvation in the countryside.  The intelligent and the good go into hiding, ministers and commoners are angry and resentful, the masses of people are ultimately reduced to abject misery and so the pulse of the nation dies out forever. 
When the mind is focused below, never forgetting the toil of the people, the populace is well-nourished and the state is strong; no ministers or commoners violate the law, while no enemy states invade the domain.  So it is with the human body.  The perfect people always have mental energy filling below, so the emotions do not act within, while the material world cannot invade from without.  With the camp guard fully supplied, the mental spirit is strong.  Ultimately, the body doesn't know the sting of acupuncture or moxabustion, just as the people of a powerful nation don't hear cries of alarm.  

Self-Compassion is the New Black

One sure benefit of teaching mindfulness is the ongoing responsibility to practice what one preaches.  Hence the class, "Dread to Joy:  Self-Compassion During the Holidays."  This ensures that I will actually read the books and research articles on self-compassion, get real familiar with the material, practice the exercises myself, plan the class, see what sticks.

The three components of self-compassion, as defined by Dr. Kristin Neff, are:
  • Mindfulness
  • Common Humanity
  • Self-Kindness

One of the more interesting pieces in this little offshoot of western science's ongoing "discovery" of mindfulness practices is the contrast of self-compassion with self-esteem.  Self-esteem is out.  Self-compassion is in.

Self-esteem is based on beliefs of fixed traits.  Which requires protecting this self, this ego.

Whereas self-compassion is looking at ourselves as work-in-progress.  "Common Humanity" is key to this.  Our own experience of suffering, or making mistakes is one that connects us to others.  First Noble Truth kinda stuff.

Self-kindness is actually doing kindness to ourselves.  This might be offering ourselves empathy; speaking to ourselves with a warm, kind tone.  It might also be physical:  Hugging ourselves.  Yep.  Perhaps not in public, but in a gesture that almost resembles folding the arms across the chest.  When this is infused with the intention to express appreciation to ourselves in our struggles -- to cherish ourselves-- there can be a release of oxytocin, "the bonding hormone."  Even just stroking our arm could do it.

I had occasion to try not too long ago.  Stopped at happy hour with a friend I had not seen for a while.  No, I didn't drink too much.  I did, however, talk myself into "just a little" gluten-filled food.  A couple bites of bread here, some breaded and fried snacks there, a few bites of pastry... well, 1:30 a.m. and I'm trying to connect my own suffering to everyone with tummy aches, everyone who might be sleepless, giving myself a gentle belly-rub (which actually evoked strong memories of my mom rubbing my belly as a child).  "You poor thing, you really wanted those treats, and you really thought you could tolerate them."

This was WAY better than, "You stupid idiot, when will you ever learn?  How many times do you have to have this experience?  You sure haven't figured out how to deal with greed."  Also better than, "Oh crap, it's 1:30 in the morning, and I have to get up early tomorrow, and I have to give that talk tomorrow, and I'm going to feel foggy and weird if I don't hurry up and get to sleep!"

No, just really being with the discomfort, being really present to it, noticing the universality of it, the utter humanness of it, and just rubbing the belly.  Kindly.  It didn't make it go away.  But it did allow me to observe it subside little by little, with gratitude.

 

Friday, October 7, 2011

It Happens All the Time in Heaven

It happens all the time in heaven,
And some day
It will begin to happen
Again on earth -
That men and women who are married,
And men and men who are
Lovers,
And women and women
Who give each other
Light,
Often will get down on their knees
And while so tenderly
Holding their lover's hand,
With tears in their eyes,
Will sincerely speak, saying,
"My dear,
How can I be more loving to you;
How can I be more
Kind?"
--Hafiz

Cheatsheets

I met a new friend this week -- another woman on a spiritual path.  So lovely to just start in the middle with someone; that mysterious sudden familiarity and appreciation.  We got to talking about this question of confidence and humility.  We talked about how maybe there is no difference between the two.  Or that perhaps humility is the root of confidence.  She liked that the root of the word humility is the same as the root of the word for human and for the Earth: humus.  She shared this story with me, which I have tracked down on Wikipedia, and is attributed to Rabbi Simcha Bunim Bonhart of Peshischa (1765–1827):

Everyone must have two pockets, with a note in each pocket, so that he or she can reach into the one or the other, depending on the need. When feeling lowly and depressed, discouraged or disconsolate, one should reach into the right pocket, and, there, find the words: "For my sake was the world created."  But when feeling high and mighty one should reach into the left pocket, and find the words: "I am but dust and ashes."

Saturday, September 24, 2011

What is Confidence?



My teacher often says, "Have great confidence."  He might as well be saying "Be six feet tall."  Is confidence something one can get or have?  Or not-have?  The dictionary says it's a feeling or belief, and those are quite unstable.  

confidence

 [kon-fi-duhns]  
n
1.a feeling of trust in a person or thing: I have confidence in his abilities
2.belief in one's own abilities; self-assurance
3.trust or a trustful relationship: take me into your confidence
4.something confided or entrusted; secret
5.in confidence  as a secret

 confidence 
c.1430, from L. confidentia, from confidentem, prp. of confidere"to have full trust or reliance," from con-, intensive prefix, +fidere "to trust" (see faith).

Can a person have great confidence in the midst of fear or doubt or self-consciousness?  Snippets from Marge Piercy's poem "For Strong Women" come to mind:

A strong woman is strong
in words, in action, in connection, in feeling...
...Strength is not in her, but she
enacts it as the wind fills a sail.


Where is the line between confidence and arrogance?  Arrogance, it seems, is a special brand of foolishness.  I thought I had embraced my inner fool, become willing to not-know, to make mistakes with gusto.  But I continue to deeply fear exhibiting arrogance, thanks in large part to well-indoctrinated gender training.  It seems like a state of thinking-I-know-but-really-I-don't; an even bigger fool.  And it can be harmful to others.    

ar·ro·gance

  [ar-uh-guhns] 
noun
offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearingpride.
Origin: 
1275–1325; Middle English  < Middle French  < Latin arrogantia presumption.


Interesting internet find: What would Genpo have to say about arrogance


Then there's humility.  And careful: False humility.  

hu·mil·i·ty

  [hyoo-mil-i-tee or, oftenyoo-] 
noun
the quality or condition of being humble modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.
Origin: 1275–1325; Middle English humilite  < Latin humilitās.

This Latin root, hum, connects us as humans, our ability to be humane, the earth (humus), and with this low-to-the-ground submissiveness, humility.  I first heard this joke pointing to false humility from Jon Kabat-Zinn:
A rabbi is kneeling in front of the altar.
“God, I am nothing and you are everything”, he says.
The cantor sees him and he kneels down and says,
“God, I am nothing and you are everything”.
The assistant rabbi sees them and he too does the same thing.
The janitor sees them and is so moved that he too kneels down and says,
“God, you are everything and I am nothing”.
The assistant rabbi nudges the cantor and says, "Look who thinks he’s nothing”.

Surrender is not the same as submission.  Self-loathing is a small, selfish world.  Much like the selfishness of arrogance.  True humility makes us larger, connects us to others rather than sets us apart.

So what is confidence?