Not Dead Yet!

One of my pointedly few vows for blogging was never to apologize for periods of time without writing.  Nothing to Attain continues to attain nothing, and all is well.  


Pari-Nirvana Sesshin happened in February.  Not surprisingly, my mind really does not want to meditate on death.  It writhes around in a weird mix of humor and anxiety, making for a bit of a turbulent week.  Interestingly, one meditation that did settle my mind was the closest I could get to meditating in the charnel ground:  Imagining my own body decomposing, in as much detail as possible.  Except that I have very little training in biology of any sort, and I avoid zombie movies, so there are lots of blanks to fill regarding this process.  


But I got curious about it.  So I got home, googled around and found a couple books to help me.  You've probably already read it, but Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach!  How did I miss this?  Why didn't you tell me?  


The third chapter is about the University of Tennessee's Anthropological Research Facility, aka the "body farm".  It is as close to a charnel ground as we might get in our culture, and provided exactly the kind of detail about what actually happens to bodies when they are left to decompose on their own schedule.  Mary Roach:

Do you recall the Margaret Hamilton death scene in The Wizard of Oz?  ("I'm melting!")  Putrefecation is more or less a slowed down version of this.  

Beetles, maggots, and bacteria, oh my!  Such a powerful antidote to body obsession and stuff obsession.  It occurred to me that all the calcium supplements I take will just end up in the ground someday, one way or another.  Impermanence.    


I learned that the creator of the body farm also wrote a book called Death's Acre: Inside the Legendary Forensic Lab the Body Farm Where the Dead Do Tell Tales.  It's on my list.  I think these windows into forensics are way better than those CSI shows, which I also avoid.    


Our Sangha has a yearly poetry gathering online every March.  One of the week's themes was on death.  Here is a poem I wrote for that the other day: 


Meditation on Death and Life
Everything falls apart.
Starting with our jaws, as we meet death
with open-mouthed amazement.
The bacteria in our bellies loosed like a tsunami
liquefying and changing the landscape.
Not to mention to the janitorial crew; millions strong and teeming.
Indeed affirming the lives of flies,
thanks to whom, the traveling swallows,
snapping their beaks audibly in the fields,
feed baby birds with hungry open mouths.

Social Workers Code of Ethics: Some Excerpts

The full Social Workers Code of Ethics is available here.


Social Workers Ethical Responsibility to Clients (excerpt)  
1.09 Sexual Relationships
(a) Social workers should under no circumstances engage in sexual activities or sexual contact with current clients, whether such contact is consensual or forced.


(b) Social workers should not engage in sexual activities or sexual contact with clients’ relatives or other individuals with whom clients maintain a close personal relationship when there is a risk of exploitation or potential harm to the client. Sexual activity or sexual contact with clients’ relatives or other individuals with whom clients maintain a personal relationship has the potential to be harmful to the client and may make it difficult for the social worker and client to maintain appropriate professional boundaries. Social workers—not their clients, their clients’ relatives, or other individuals with whom the client maintains a personal relationship—assume the full burden for setting clear, appropriate, and culturally sensitive boundaries.


(c) Social workers should not engage in sexual activities or sexual contact with former clients because of the potential for harm to the client. If social workers engage in conduct contrary to this prohibition or claim that an exception to this prohibition is warranted because of extraordinary circumstances, it is social workers—not their clients—who assume the full burden of demonstrating that the former client has not been exploited, coerced, or manipulated, intentionally or unintentionally.


(d) Social workers should not provide clinical services to individuals with whom they have had a prior sexual relationship. Providing clinical services to a former sexual partner has the potential to be harmful to the individual and is likely to make it difficult for the social worker and individual to maintain appropriate professional boundaries.


1.10 Physical Contact
Social workers should not engage in physical contact with clients when there is a possibility of psychological harm to the client as a result of the contact (such as cradling or caressing clients). Social workers who engage in appropriate physical contact with clients are responsible for setting clear, appropriate, and culturally sensitive boundaries that govern such physical contact.


1.11 Sexual Harassment
Social workers should not sexually harass clients. Sexual harassment includes sexual advances, sexual solicitation, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature.


Social Workers Ethical Responsibility to Colleagues (excerpt)
2.07 Sexual Relationships
(a) Social workers who function as supervisors or educators should not engage in sexual activities or contact with supervisees, students, trainees, or other colleagues over whom they exercise professional authority.


(b) Social workers should avoid engaging in sexual relationships with colleagues when there is potential for a conflict of interest. Social workers who become involved in, or anticipate becoming involved in, a sexual relationship with a colleague have a duty to transfer professional responsibilities, when necessary, to avoid a conflict of interest.


2.08 Sexual Harassment
Social workers should not sexually harass supervisees, students, trainees, or colleagues. Sexual harassment includes sexual advances, sexual solicitation, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature.


2.09 Impairment of Colleagues
(a) Social workers who have direct knowledge of a social work colleague’s impairment that is due to personal problems, psychosocial distress, substance abuse, or mental health difficulties and that interferes 
with practice effectiveness should consult with that colleague when feasible and assist the colleague in taking remedial action.


(b) Social workers who believe that a social work colleague’s impairment interferes with practice effectiveness and that the colleague has not taken adequate steps to address the impairment should take action through appropriate channels established by employers, agencies, NASW, licensing and regulatory bodies, and other professional organizations.

2.11 Unethical Conduct of Colleagues
(a) Social workers should take adequate measures to discourage, prevent, expose, and correct the unethical conduct of colleagues.


(b) Social workers should be knowledgeable about established policies and procedures for handling concerns about colleagues’ unethical behavior. Social workers should be familiar with national, state, and local procedures for handling ethics complaints. These include policies and procedures created by NASW, licensing and regulatory bodies, employers, agencies, and other professional organizations.


(c) Social workers who believe that a colleague has acted unethically should seek resolution by discussing their concerns with the colleague when feasible and when such discussion is likely to be productive.


(d) When necessary, social workers who believe that a colleague has acted unethically should take action through appropriate formal channels (such as contacting a state licensing board or regulatory body, an NASW committee on inquiry, or other professional ethics committees).


(e) Social workers should defend and assist colleagues who are unjustly charged with unethical conduct.


Social Workers Ethical Responsibilities as Professionals (excerpt)
4.03 Private Conduct
Social workers should not permit their private conduct to interfere with their ability to fulfill their professional responsibilities.


4.04 Dishonesty, Fraud, and Deception
Social workers should not participate in, condone, or be associated with dishonesty, fraud, or deception.


4.05 Impairment
(a) Social workers should not allow their own personal problems, psychosocial distress, legal problems, substance abuse, or mental health difficulties to interfere with their professional judgment and performance or to jeopardize the best interests of people for whom they have a professional responsibility.


(b) Social workers whose personal problems, psychosocial distress, legal problems, substance abuse, or mental health difficulties interfere with their professional judgment and performance should immediately seek consultation and take appropriate remedial action by seeking professional help, making adjustments in workload, terminating practice, or taking any other steps necessary to protect clients and others.

Social Workers Responsibility to the Integrity of the Profession
5.01 Integrity of the Profession


(a) Social workers should work toward the maintenance and promotion of high standards of practice.


(b) Social workers should uphold and advance the values, ethics, knowledge, and mission of the profession. Social workers should protect, enhance, and improve the integrity of the profession through appropriate study and research, active discussion, and responsible criticism of the profession.


(c) Social workers should contribute time and professional expertise to activities that promote respect for the value, integrity, and competence of the social work profession. These activities may include teaching, research, consultation, service, legislative testimony, presentations in the community, and participation in their professional organizations.


(d) Social workers should contribute to the knowledge base of social work and share with colleagues their knowledge related to practice, research, and ethics. Social workers should seek to contribute to the profession’s literature and to share their knowledge at professional meetings and conferences.


(e) Social workers should act to prevent the unauthorized and unqualified practice of social work.

Mainly, if we are teachers, it would be wise and helpful for us to talk about our own difficulties and not try to seem perfected. I believe sharing your obstacles and how you practice with them helps everyone have confidence that it is the practice that transforms obstacles, and that practice does not depend on some specially realized person but on honesty.

~Grace Schireson

Wholeheartedly Vulnerable

A quick entry to share my excitement about this researcher and her findings:  Brene Brown.  Bonus points that she's an entertaining speaker.  And triple-super-bonus points that she's a social worker.  

I saw her on one of those TED talks.  It's a great one <--click.  I'm glad I stopped surfing for a few minutes to sit in front of her and hear what she's learned in the past 10 years of research into human connection.  


Along the way, she learned a lot about people's experiences of heartbreak, disconnection, and rejection.  She found that something was getting in the way of connection and a sense of belonging:  


Shame.  Which she defines as fear of disconnection.  A belief that if we are really seen and known, that we won't be worthy of connection.  "I'm not _______ enough."  


The underpinning of this shame is, what she calls, "excruciating vulnerability".  Being seen, truly seen.  And this, she says, is the prerequisite to connection.   


She found a couple groups in her research - 
1) people with a strong sense of love and belonging and worthiness
2) people who struggle for it, who always wonder and doubt if they're ever good enough.


The only difference she found between these groups was that group one maintained the simple belief that they were worthy of love and belonging.  So she focused on these people, and what they had in common.


She called them "wholehearted people living from a deep sense of worthiness."  And they shared a few things:
Courage - in its original definition: To tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.  The courage to be imperfect.  
Compassion - the ability to be kind to themselves first, then others. 
Connection - as a result of authenticity, and a willingness to let go of who they thought they should be, to be who they really are.  


And they fully embraced vulnerability.  They described vulnerability as not comfortable, not excruciating, just necessary.  They had the willingness to act with no guarantees.  To breathe through frightening and painful experiences.  To invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.  To be authentic.   This reminds me of Roshi Joan Halifax's teaching of "soft front, strong back".


Why do we struggle with this so much?


She listed the ways we numb vulnerability.  Self-medicating;  trying to drink and shop and eat away the sadness, loneliness, anger, disconnection.  But it turns out you cannot selectively numb emotion. In the process we also numb joy, gratitude, and happiness. 


Another way to numb is by "making everything uncertain certain".  Also known as, "I'm right, you're wrong, shut up."  She adds one of the research definitions of blame: A way to discharge pain and discomfort.  


We also numb by perfecting.  Or at least trying to perfect ourselves.  In the process failing to see that we are worthy of love and belonging despite and perhaps even because of our imperfections.  


When we know the truth of I am enough, "we stop screaming and start listening."  We can let ourselves be seen deeply and vulnerably, love with no guarantees, and practice gratitude, even in moments of terror.  We are kinder to ourselves and to others. 
  
   

Death Poem

This year's death poem:

Master Rinzai’s shout smolders 

in the hara 

Echoes with warm clouds of breath.

heats the empty Zendo

of the frost-covered Heart of Wisdom.

Heart of Wisdom Zen Temple

Originally built in the 1890's

Heart of Wisdom Zen Temple now has its own home.  We've purchased a church in Northeast Portland.  Our hearth.   

Some have called it a "handyman's special."  Thankfully most of the (numerous) problems are cosmetic, although the furnace does need to be replaced.  So we're back to fundraising for the repairs, which means it'll be some months until we move in.  

Nevertheless, it's our handyman's special, thanks to 3-4 years of fundraising, skillful and honorable negotiation, and if we don't call it luck, well, let's call it karma, because we now own it outright.  Free and clear.  No mortgage.   

   

The Zen Community of Oregon, is the umbrella over Great Vow Zen Monastery, Zenworks, and Heart of Wisdom Zen Temple (formerly known as the Portland Program).  Chozen Bays Roshi and Zen Teacher Hogen Bays are the teachers of this community.   

There'll be a blog embedded in the Zen Community of Oregon website (massive upgrade to that website coming soon, folks) for all the latest news -- and I'll be sure to make that announcement whenever it's launched so you can put it on all your blogrolls and such.

The Blessing ceremony will be on 1/1/11 at 1:00pm.

Til then, here are some photos of the Temple.  

The Fellowship area on the ground level

Plenty of work to be done

This original, blessedly unpainted ceiling of old growth Oregon wood is its most beautiful feature.  The Sanctuary / Zendo is beautifully resonant for chanting.  And thankfully not a lot of iconography to remove.  

Currently sporting an Eastern Orthodox cross from its days as a Greek Orthodox church.  I envision Jizo's Shakujo atop the bell tower.  With lights?  And rotating?  (just kidding)

That's better!

Dormant

It seems reflective of the season. My practice feels dormant. At least the contemplative part. And I suspect this is just fine.

"Don't judge your practice." Zen Teacher Hogen Bays repeats this often, in many different forms. Over and over, he reminds us that we are not in any position to gauge what is going on, how we are doing, or what is happening.

Nevertheless, there is a sense of superficiality, of busyness in the mind, of easily distracted Zazen.

Okay, so compared to what? Compared to last spring and summer -- the experience of intensive Zen practice in the midst of a yearlong Sabbatical with regular sesshin, being inactive as a social worker, working on a koan and sweating an impending Hossan ceremony.

Now things are different. I am gainfully employed in the world again, and facing outward quite a bit more. Our Sangha has just purchased a church that will be the Heart of Wisdom Zen Temple. With such a change on the horizon, being a part of many of our Sangha's transition plans is a high-energy, high-people-contact endeavor.

I still sit, I still practice, I still enjoy being at the Zen Center twice a week. It's practice without much drama. Not sure what the fuel is. It seems a little quieter, and cleaner-burning than some earlier practice that seemed all about having eye on how I am doing, and how I am received by others.

I don't know if that makes sense.

Chozen Roshi talks about how our Zen practice has a natural rhythm with more passive times to incorporate periods of intense practice. Using the example of non-practicing spouses of serious practitioners, she says sometimes these latent periods can last lifetimes.

The last few sesshin, I have come away without a Zen adventure ("Zenventure?"), but instead just saying, "Something happened. I have no idea what it was."

I guess this is just another flavor of practice.