Animals Make Us Human

I have returned from Sesshin, and was so grateful to be there after the excruciating decision, and then going through the experience of euthanizing Hannah. I am not sure about going into depth, the heart part of this experience is still raw. I was able to sit with this, and absorb it all week. We are chanting for her every day, and we have her kennel out still, all her things inside with a little Buddha altar arranged on top.

It was as peaceful as it could be. Patrick held her when the first sedative shot was administered, and as Hannah became sedated, he said it felt like her body was "disgorging" so much fear. Her poor little life, carrying so much fear.

The veterinarian we worked with does in-home euthanasia as a full-time practice. She was very skilled, very kind, and gave us a lot of time to take care of Hannah, of ourselves, to chant, to send her with as much blessing and love as possible. It was so difficult.

And I keep wondering how we got here.

The veterinarian mentioned that she had been in this situation before, with another dog from the very same shelter -- adopted and sometime thereafter the realization that the amount of fear and aggression in the dog created a dangerous situation, untenable for the adopters, and one that if the dog is returned to the no-kill shelter, they will either have to 1) keep the dog in perpetuity or 2) try to rehome.

My mind does turn to these shelters now. This cycle was explained to me as a common situation, and not surprising to the behaviorist, who says most of her "customers" come from these shelters, and the adopters are not making informed decisions about taking in such sadly unbalanced dogs and what they require in order for their needs to be truly met.

I know that the people running these shelters have noble and good intentions. Their slogan, "Every dog deserves a second chance," is pretty unarguable. I would hope that every dog could have a home in which they can be safe and happy and healthy. But that is not the reality.

Of course there are many problems upstream: Puppy mills and other situations breeding animals for profit; their lives not cherished at all. And there are lots of folks working to change these problems at the source. But at some point, in this world of suffering, there are all these dear needy dogs who will require heroic measures to have some semblance of a life, and there really aren't many situations with such measures available. If they end up at a no-kill shelter, with limited space, then what?

I was able to do a lot of Metta practice for all the dogs in this situation. For all the misguided people breeding dogs irresponsibly. For all the animal shelter workers. For all the animal adopters. For all the people who touched Hannah's life.

May they be free from fear and anxiety.

May they be at ease.

May they be deeply happy.