Life Vows Sesshin III

Life Vows Sesshin is a bit unusual in that one of the two-hour meditation periods in the day consists of a meeting with a small "Wisdom Cohort", the format of which is inspired by the Quaker Clearness Committee. There are four people per group, and each person has a half hour to speak from their hearts about a given topic. The rest of the group is in Zazen and deep listening. No advice-giving; only open-ended questions, which are defined as questions you do not know the answer to.

Each day, we are given topics. The first day, we reflected on our history. We were to speak about the most positive and negative events of our lives, and what our gifts and strengths are, which for the most part, seem to have come directly from those difficulties.

The next day, we spoke about past vows we have made -- positive, negative, mindless vows (I will never be cold again in this lifetime!), reactive vows, great vows.

Reactive vows may not be something we are even conscious of, but sound something like this: "I will NEVER be like ___." I have a small reactive vow to immediately throw away pens that do not work. In my family of origin, we had a huge plastic gallon ice cream container full of pens, and the broken or dried-up ones would get put back in the bin over and over. I also have some reactive vows to being on time and such.

Day 3 we spoke about obstacles, resistance, fears, inadequacies and doubts. Things that get in the way of manifesting our vows, or even making them. Making vows is scary, especially for those of us afflicted by FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out. Also known in the Debtors Anonymous world as experience greed. Making a Vow means you are choosing this and not that.

By Day 4, Hogen Roshi let us know that not only did this Sesshin consist of talking, but also crafts. We would get to paint our vows on rocks.

One of Hogen Roshi's vows is to manifest the Stupa of Wholesome Vows. It is / will be a series of large cement rings, into which vows -- symbolized by these rocks -- will be placed. As they get stacked on top of each other, the foundational ring will fill up, and a second ring will be placed on top of that. And so on. He estimates it could rise 16-20 feet in the air.

On Day 4 we spoke about people we admire. What is it about them we admire? And if time and current limitations did not apply, what would be the biggest goal we might aspire to.

I spent nearly my whole 30 minutes going on and on about Marsha Linehan. She is the person who created DBT, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, a mental health treatment that was originally designed for people with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have been in the mental health field long enough to have seen how people with BPD were treated before and after DBT, and I can tell you that Marsha Linehan has relieved suffering on a grand scale. She effectively merged Zen and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy. Compassion (called "validation") is a good half of the equation in DBT. I really could go on and on here. Someone in my group had to just stop me by saying, "So you admire her a lot." Yeah, I do.

I would also add Jon-Kabat-Zinn, who was the first to bring meditation and yoga into the fields of science, and with his background in research, was able to bring this into the medical mainstream. It was woo-woo before. Now it's a standard recommendation for all manner of health concerns. Again, relief of suffering on a grand, unimaginable scale.

Both of these luminaries have their own decades-long spiritual practice from which to draw. It is amazing what can come of deep practice like this.

So we got word that we needed to pick out a rock or rocks from a couple designated piles (not the landscaping rocks, please). These rocks had been dug up from what had previously been blackberry fields. Those of us on blackberry work practice (yes, I got it again) were instructed to dig the blackberry crowns up at the roots, and also remove any rocks from the field, smoothing out the pocked ground as we went.

I knew of just the perfect Great Vow rock. I had unearthed it myself a couple days prior. It clanked on my pickaxe and was shockingly large -- probably 20 pounds. A stone, really. I had to carry it up a hill to the little cairn that was one of the rock piles on offer. I also knew of the vows that would go on it.

The Precepts. I recited the Precepts as I carried it to the hose, and lugged it into the drying area. It's not that I feel the Precepts weigh me down. Living in accord with the Precepts to the best of my ability is simply, undoubtedly changing the course of my life. Here is a way to live.

Ajahn Amaro spoke about them like the "wake-up bumps" on the sides of the highway. They are the warning that you are veering off course.

The Precepts I feel closest to are the ones I have historically been furthest from. The ones I have learned the hard way. The ones I have seen for myself. This has happened enough times to me that I have faith that this is a sane way to live. Every time I witness a Jukai ceremony, it feels like I am taking the Precepts for the first time. Choosing this rock, carrying it, painting it, writing out the Precepts on it. It was like taking Jukai again.

On the final day, we got to share any vows that had come from this week with our Wisdom Cohort. At the end of the retreat, when the Monastery was opened up to the regular Sunday service, the Stupa of Wholesome Vows was consecrated. After a Jukai ceremony, we all processed to the Stupa, chanting the Jizo Shingon, rocks in hand. We placed our rocks, our vows, in the first ring. We chanted Shantideva's Way of the Bodhisattva, and then adjourned to lunch.

What a blessing in the world. How can the effects of such a powerhouse of beneficence ever be measured?