"Don't judge your practice." Zen Teacher Hogen Bays repeats this often, in many different forms. Over and over, he reminds us that we are not in any position to gauge what is going on, how we are doing, or what is happening.
Nevertheless, there is a sense of superficiality, of busyness in the mind, of easily distracted Zazen.
Okay, so compared to what? Compared to last spring and summer -- the experience of intensive Zen practice in the midst of a yearlong Sabbatical with regular sesshin, being inactive as a social worker, working on a koan and sweating an impending Hossan ceremony.
Now things are different. I am gainfully employed in the world again, and facing outward quite a bit more. Our Sangha has just purchased a church that will be the Heart of Wisdom Zen Temple. With such a change on the horizon, being a part of many of our Sangha's transition plans is a high-energy, high-people-contact endeavor.
I still sit, I still practice, I still enjoy being at the Zen Center twice a week. It's practice without much drama. Not sure what the fuel is. It seems a little quieter, and cleaner-burning than some earlier practice that seemed all about having eye on how I am doing, and how I am received by others.
I don't know if that makes sense.
Chozen Roshi talks about how our Zen practice has a natural rhythm with more passive times to incorporate periods of intense practice. Using the example of non-practicing spouses of serious practitioners, she says sometimes these latent periods can last lifetimes.
The last few sesshin, I have come away without a Zen adventure ("Zenventure?"), but instead just saying, "Something happened. I have no idea what it was."
I guess this is just another flavor of practice.
5 comments:
Yeah. You don't get to tell the moon when to wax and when to wane. Allowing this zen "cosa nostra" to do its own thing at its own pace is possibly more challenging than any koan.
BTW, you still rule...
It's so true. But no, YOU rule! :)
Hear, hear. It's one of the hardest things to swallow: it happens the way it happens.
Congratulations to your sangha on acquiring a home.
Practice not only ebbs and flows, it goes into whirlpools, backwaters, stagnant pools, gets diverted, dammed (and damned) and dries up. I had to sit with all this over a three years period that I'm still not sure has passed. At least now, I'm not struggling with it. But I was judging, so your words not to judge it are powerful for me. Thank you!
It's wonderful that your sangha will be in a temple/church. Sacred ground! May it flourish in good health!
I am so lucky to have such great Dharma brothers and sisters in the blog world! Thank you!!!
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